We have all had to buddy up with a training partner who is difficult to jive with and/or inadvertently ends up disrupting what should be an enjoyable experience. Not all training relationships will start smoothly and it takes time to familiarize new students to the norms and culture of a tight-knit training room. It is important, however, to remember that many individuals who are initially frustrating to be around in a Jiu Jitsu context are usually a product of two scenarios: they are anxious about training (i.e. they might be new, intimidated, or introverted) OR they are unaware of the often unsaid “rules” and “standards” of a Jiu Jitsu academy (i.e. they are definitely new). With some guidance, newcomers who routinely frustrate others can eventually be transformed into invaluable training partners on the mats and friends outside of training as they familiarize themselves with the unique vibe of a grappling club. If you are worried about not making a great first impression, being awkward while training, or have had trouble making friends in Jiu Jitsu, read these helpful insights.
1. Learn The School Rules & Etiquette:
Don’t ignore this information when you visit a Jiu Jitsu school for the first time. Rules are communicated in a variety of different ways but usually through an auto-generated email, physically posted in the school, or via a brief conversation with a coach; a competent club will try to get this information out in a variety of ways. It is critical to follow the rules of an academy the best that you can as they are designed to promote a positive and safe training environment. It is also seen as a small gesture of respect that you have taken the time to read and understand what is ok and what is not ok while training. If you are unsure about specific rules, don’t hesitate to ask a coach questions as preventative guidance is far less awkward and intrusive to give versus correcting negative behavior after it has already happened. If you can’t be bothered reading and attempting to understand the basic rules of a gym, training partners will find it difficult to trust you.
2. Communication 101:
Countless incidents in a training room can be avoided with direct and honest communication. It will take some concentrated effort to be mindful, courteous, and to learn how to receive corrective feedback but this effort will be worth it as you begin to build positive relationships in the school. Firstly, be sure to advocate for yourself, for example: if a partner is rolling more aggressively than you are comfortable with you need to tell them, don't wait for disaster to strike. It is, however, important to also be receptive to feedback about your own habits during rolling and attempt to modify behavior in real time as you may be the one rolling dangerously. Secondly, communication should be honest, for example: if you mention you want to roll “light” but dial up the intensity as soon as a submission opportunity presents itself when your partner’s guard is down… this is a disingenuous act and you wont make many friends if you lack integrity. Try to not assume the worst if there is a small issue while rolling; if someone is doing something that is offside or breaking a rule at the school, kindly let them know. In most cases, the individual may be ignorant of the issue; don’t assume people are acting vindictive as a majority of students are doing their best to build positive connections and communicate clearly.
3. Ego Is The Enemy:
“Leave your ego at the door” is a cliche statement in the Jiu Jitsu world but nevertheless, it is important to remain humble. The school mats are a training ground to develop skills as a grappler; learn to accept defeat graciously, happily take on difficult rolls, and control your emotions when things don’t go your way. Be mindful not to become frustrated when you are in a precarious or suffocating position while training; learn to stay calm when anxiety is high in order to train safely. Ensuring training partners remain “in one piece” while rolling is a significant priority; if you break all your friends, you won’t have any friends to train with. More specifically, give people time to tap and give yourself time to tap as well. It feels terrible to accidentally injure a training partner because you weren’t paying attention, lost control, or just wanted to “win” at all costs. It also doesn’t feel great when dealing with an avoidable injury because pride got in the way of proactively tapping to a well applied technique. Ego will only hamper your progress, lead to unnecessary injury, and make it difficult to build positive relationships at Jiu Jitsu practice.
4. Practice Personal Hygiene:
If you are not practicing a high level of personal hygiene in Jiu Jitsu it can quickly become a health hazard. Picture training with a person who didn't bother to shower after a long work day in the dirt or a student who forgot to clean their uniform and it is still damp with sweat from their last class or someone who didn’t take the time to wash their hands, put on deodorant, brush their teeth, and/or trim their nails before training; this can quickly turn grappling into an unpleasant experience. Additionally, staph infection, impetigo, ringworm, unnecessary scrapes/cuts, etc. can lead to health complications and can be avoided if students shower regularly, clean gear before every session, and trim their nails. It is also good practice to ensure you clean up after yourself while training at the school. If you have made a mess somewhere in the club, take some time to remedy the issue by tidying up. Additionally, chip in from time to time with cleaning after class to help ensure the school remains pristinely clean. Jiu Jitsu is a close contact sport so don't let poor personal hygiene become a legitimate reason that fellow students avoid training with you.
5. Always Be a Team Player
Jiu Jitsu is an individual sport but you cannot train without the support of a team. For a Jiu Jitsu academy to thrive, it is imperative that a community of people work together to achieve their goals. Check in on fellow students, exchange technical knowledge often, and celebrate the success of others in the school. Making an effort to help other students acclimate to training and/or improve their technique is also an investment in your own development; the quicker new training partners develop, the more training partners you will have to push your own limits. It is important, however, to refrain from giving advice until you are ready and your coach has given you permission to offer technical insights. Lending a hand at your school is another excellent way to support the culture of the team and can be done by sharing your positive experiences with prospective members, helping clean the mats after class, volunteering at the school, showing up to team events, or as mentioned, taking time to share knowledge with new members. These small acts show your team and coaches that you take pride in where you train and small altruistic gestures help build camaraderie in a training room.
6. Don’t Be An Awkward Driller
There is a fine-tuned balance between being a dead fish (zero resistance) and resisting too much when a training partner is trying to learn a new technique. Letting your partner know what you need from them while drilling difficult movements is important. When technique is being learned you want to try to maintain realistic positioning when your partner is working on their movements but this does not mean resisting and making the move unnecessarily difficult to complete. It also isn’t ideal when a student goes completely “dead fish” and doesn't react realistically at all. The primary difference between the two is that a “dead fish” partner is likely inexperienced and would benefit from some guidance. The partner fully resisting every single movement likely has just enough experience to resist and is purposely being a hindrance, this is not a great way to leave a positive impression on others.
7. Focus on Acquiring Knowledge
Your coach doesn’t care how strong, fast, explosive, agile, or flexible you are when you begin training Jiu Jitsu; what matters most is that you focus on acquiring knowledge and trying to utilize that knowledge safely when training. If your game becomes too dependent on athleticism during the beginning of your journey, it will inevitably be a disservice to technical development down the road. At some point, you will meet someone in class or in competition who is equally athletic but has taken the time to learn and study the sport and you won’t stand a chance. Additionally, avoid using non-technical or dangerous moves during specific training or rolling such as: grinding elbows into thighs, raking the forearm or knee across the face, dropping body weight erratically, putting your hands in your partner's face, pinching your partner when grabbing the uniform, jumping guard, flying techniques you have learned on youtube, etc. This is especially important when training with senior belts (who are practicing an extreme level of patience while rolling with rambunctious newcomers); avoid using cringy moves that will likely end up with you learning a lesson in reciprocity. Stick to techniques that have been taught in class and you will experience measurable progress in your game.
8. Stop Gossiping & Chirping Others
Very few individuals join a Jiu Jitsu school to hear about their coach's or another member’s personal opinion on politics, health science, social issues, or the inside scoop on other students at the school; this only divides a community. As a student, if you have time to talk about politics and/or gossip about others, you likely aren’t focusing on improving technique or helping teammates do the same. Additionally, don’t chirp or criticize others in the training room, especially in a mean-spirited way; a good rule of thumb is: talk less, focus more, and be humble. Stay on task and if you are tempted to talk arrogantly about yourself, slander others, or state your stance on controversial topics… login to your twitter account instead. Always endeavor to be kind to fellow practitioners as you never know what may be going on in their life outside of the school; Jiu Jitsu is often a safe haven for individuals looking to do something uplifting, positive, and life-changing for themselves.
Until next time, stay cool, be kind, and keep rolling.
Benjamin Kool is a content creator and the head instructor/owner of Authentic Jiu Jitsu in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Before founding Authentic Jiu Jitsu Calgary, Ben worked in Alberta as a school teacher and is an alumni of the University of Calgary (B.A. European History, B.Ed. Master of Teaching Program).
Website: www.authenticjiujitsu.com
Twitter: @authenticbjj
Instagram/Facebook: @authenticjiujitsu
YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/@authenticjiujitsu
